When it's time to give up driving

 
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Feb 05, 2008 - 04:05:28 CST
The AARP and the North Dakota Highway Patrol deserve serious commendation - serious, because an issue they're addressing is so heavily laden with human emotion: The adult child having to convince an older-age parent to give up driving.

The emotions belong to the parent, who likely equates driving with independence and worthwhileness, and belong to the adult child, who might well take the hit of incurring the parent's wrath and undergoes all kinds of feelings on his or her own part. "This means Dad really is getting old. But I want him to be safe, and heaven knows I don't want him hurting anyone else."

A strange thing is how so often, even in a family of several siblings, it falls to a single family member to take on the villainous chore. It's really more like bravery and the exercise of love to take Mom's car keys, but it sure makes a person feel like a bad guy.

The AARP is working with the patrol to present a 90-minute seminar called "We Need to Talk ... Family Conversations with Older Drivers."

It's not totally a how-to course in the technique of grounding Mom or Dad. There is as much emphasis on setting forth a process in which the older person is as much of a participant as possible. When we perceive warning signs about ourselves from a list by the AARP, we need to start questioning our own driving ability. "Friends and relatives not wanting to ride with you. ... Trouble judging gaps in traffic at intersections and on highway entrance/exit ramps," and so forth. AARP also has a driver's safety program and something called "Older Driver Skill Assessment and Resource Guide:Creating Mobility Choices."

The last-mentioned aspect of the material is quite relevant in North Dakota. In very few places is there mass transit. And the person in Wing who's used to driving his wife of 60 years to Bismarck to go to the clinic faces a new life reality if it's time to stop driving. There are the good folks who are relatives or friends who can provide rides, but it means having to ask for help - age reducing (and the person could well feel it as a reduction in status) someone who's been a productive member of society for decades to being a needy soul.

What if Wing or Flasher or Hannover each had a person with a telephone and some computer skills, such as the ability to do time grids and scheduling, to be the town ride-pool angel? It would be so much easier on the pride to phone up the angel who does this as a service than for it to feel like you're constantly begging the charity of a ride from a busy daughter-in-law or the next-door neighbor who's only 67 years old.

True, a lot of towns have this in place on a very informal basis, but to be optimal people would have to know whom to call and say, "I'm going to Bismarck on Friday, leaving here at 9 o'clock and getting back around 5. I have room for three."

Above all, the AARP and the patrol let people know that it's OK for them to talk about these difficult matters openly.
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When it's time to give up driving
Comments

Chris wrote on Jul 30, 2008 5:06 PM:

" Elderly drivers should take the road test every single year starting at age 70. I am a tweener I guess at 35 so I see both bad young drivers and bad old drivers. I was once a bad young driver. I drove much too fast and recklessly when I was younger. But I was never a bad "TECHNICAL" driver. I knew the rules, sometimes didn't follow them. I had and still have excellent reaction time. I was stupid and got caught but my physical capabilities never caused an accident, only my stupidity did. Elders never get the physical part back once it starts to decline. I grew up and now don't drive reckless or fast. I really believe I am the safest driver I know. Bottom line: Elders might now the rules, but for the most part, their physical capabilities impair them from being a safe driver. "

Online Editor wrote on Feb 13, 2008 8:51 AM:

" To Git R Done and other readers: Our corporate parent has obviously made some changes to the commenting system. The problem is that we weren't told what the changes would be or when they were coming, so I was as surprised as anyone else to see the email field. When I have more information I will pass it along. "

Senior Advocate wrote on Feb 12, 2008 10:13 PM:

" Kudos to AARP for raising awareness. Concerned children of older drivers should visit with their loved one's primary doctor. If deemed appropriate, a doctor can write a "no driving" prescription. This takes the pressure off of the children. Allowing mom / dad / grandparents to continue to drive when they are a danger to themselves or others it a lawsuit waiting to happen. It is one of those most difficult conversations to have with a loved one and they may be angry at you...but what is worse....have a loved one angry or having your loved one harm themselves or someone else out on the roadway. "

Concerned wrote on Feb 12, 2008 9:41 PM:

" To "Your All Nuts!" You are right on about elderly being on an abundance of narcotic pain killers or a fine buffet of prescription drugs. My mother at 76 yrs old has been taking 6 narcotic pain meds, several over-the-counter pain meds, muscle relaxers, xanax, antidepressants, and more for approximately 10 years now and driving. She often sounds drunk and has gone into psychosis on several different occasions from the drugs. (And yes, she is driving under the influence at ALL times!) We have attempted to deal with the doctors on this issue, but they continue to prscribe the drugs. Its simply a matter of time before disater strikes. "

Git R Done wrote on Feb 12, 2008 7:40 PM:

" AND....I thought U-turns within so many feet of a school was now illegal? I cannot even begin to count how many drivers around Simle U-ie around, right in front of the school during busy times! AUGHH. "

Git R Done wrote on Feb 12, 2008 7:37 PM:

" I'm all for re-testing every so many years--regardless of age. I've seen horrible drivers of all ages in Bismarck~~many of them teens....many elderly.....but most of them moms in minivans. They scare me the most!!! We have to have our teeth & eyes checked....why not driving skills, that could kill if faulty??

BTW, why the change in format, with having to enter in our email address? Will I have to enter that in each & every comment? That's a PITA! "

No Common Sense wrote on Feb 12, 2008 5:05 PM:

" To: Bengy wrote on Feb 12, 2008 3:45 PM: " To no common sense. Will you still feel the same way if you and when you turn 70!!! Or are you just blowing smoke. "

Absolutely. If I were to cause injury or death because my abilities were diminished or impaired, I would never be able to live with myself. If that was the law, and I wanted to drive, then I should be tested to make sure all are safe.
Again, driving is a priviledge. "

Bengy wrote on Feb 12, 2008 3:45 PM:

" To no common sense. Will you still feel the same way if you and when you turn 70!!! Or are you just blowing smoke. "

No Common Sense wrote on Feb 12, 2008 3:30 PM:

" It's pretty straight forward. Starting at age 70: Written test every 4 years, driving test every year. As many of us have seen, elderly people can go downhill pretty quick. Driving is a privledge, not a right. "

! wrote on Feb 12, 2008 1:47 PM:

" Not only do some of the elderly drivers scare me.... but, there are many (not all) teenagers that aren't much better. They are on their cell phones and have their music turned all the way up, with a carload of their friends--all while driving way too fast!!

I also agree that the elderly should be re-tested every few years to ensure they are able to safely drive. I realize it takes away their freedom, but the inability to drive safely could take a life away! "

MR wrote on Feb 12, 2008 9:56 AM:

" How about the old lady that I saw turn on to the sidewalk in north mandan and then on to the interstate without realizing she wasn't even on the road! You would think that the bump of the curb would have tipped her off that something wasn't right. "

C3PO wrote on Feb 12, 2008 9:44 AM:

" Let's hope the legislature takes this up next year... but wait, most of them are in their 70's or close to it. My 84-year-old mother-in-law still wants her car so she can go for a drive and she's in alzheimer's facility. "

Rusty Shackelford wrote on Feb 12, 2008 9:42 AM:

" I'm with BabyT and solution on this. Everybody needs to be retested. We go in every 4 years for the renewal, why not get tested? First time should be written, next time driving. That would be an 8 year rotation on the driving and written rules. Everybody needs it. Hardly anybody uses there signal lights anymore and
people use on ramps to get up to a wopping 40 mph before they get on to I-94. Then they slow down to 50 mph on I-94 and don't use there signal lights getting off. Slow and go is not what those big red octagonal things mean. Every day driving here is an adventure in making it home without getting in an accident. "

ndguy wrote on Feb 12, 2008 8:53 AM:

" I’m not opposed to retesting at 75. In fact I think it’s a great idea. But, don’t keep pointing fingers at the older drivers. Look around; there are plenty of bad drivers of all ages. How many times have you seen the young chick with her cell phone slapped to her ear, tooling down the road 5 – 10 MPH over the speed limit? Or, the mom of 4 who is too busy yelling at the kids to worry about who’s in the lane beside her as she swerves into the wrong lane? Or how about the; oh never mind you get the picture. People, what part of speed limit do you not understand, it doesn’t mean 5 miles over is OK. Left turns should be taken from the left turn lane, not the center or right lane. And please use your signal lights. Seat belts are mandatory on children, I don’t care what you think of the law it’s still the law and if you don’t like it, get it changed. My point, yes, get the careless older driver off the road. But, don’t think older drivers are alone when it comes to carelessness. "

Conservative wrote on Feb 12, 2008 8:27 AM:

" I was driving down 7th Street and noticed a car ahead of me in the far right lane driving about 15 mph. It was a very elderly man who was obviously confused and not sure where he was going. As I approach him going the speed limit, he decides to make a left turn from the far right lane. He drove me off the street and up the curb. As I sat their half way on the curb, he just kept going, didn't even know it happened. I think this is a good idea, especially in Bismarck, where there are so many elderly drivers. "

C3PO wrote on Feb 12, 2008 8:16 AM:

" Once you reach the age of 65 and every five years after - drivers need to be retested. Teenagers should not be able to get a license until they have seen a video on what can happen to a body in a car accident. Older drivers and teenage drivers are scary - older drivers because of their diminished judgment and teenage drivers with no judgment. I'm 60 and not afraid to be retested. Never have had an accident and not looking forward to one. Had a speeding ticket once about 26 years ago - my bad. DMV should not be just issue a license cause you pass the vision test once you reach a certain age. "

maNDan Jim. wrote on Feb 12, 2008 7:55 AM:

" Old people are terrible drivers. I remember white knuckle thrill rides with my grandmother behind the wheel when I was a kid. We need to retest elderly people because they aren't safe. "

REX wrote on Feb 12, 2008 6:10 AM:

" Most of the drivers in this town shouldn't be drivers in any town. Never have I seen so many people asleep at the wheel so consistently. "

expositor wrote on Feb 5, 2008 5:04 PM:

" I support the mandatory driving retest at age 75, with retest every 7 years. "

solution wrote on Feb 5, 2008 3:20 PM:

" I think everyone should be retested, regardless of age. There are plenty of people of all ages out there who are incapable of driving well. We should all be required to renew our license with a practical driving test every five years. Maybe that would keep people from getting into bad habits. It would also be a revenue source for the state - maybe to fund road projects. I don't think we should single out the elderly drivers. Many of them are doing just fine. "

Your all Nuts!!!! wrote on Feb 5, 2008 2:09 PM:

" How about offering this to family where a parent under 75 is on tons of medication! Cant stay awake at the table- swirves all over the road from spacing- Doctors prescribe the meds but dont call the DMV (Im talking where the person is on pain meds and not getting off of them ---YEARS) That is another tough one.... How do you handle this situation. Wont quite driving but you are worried for other people in their paths! Something will happen...eventually "

Local Yokel wrote on Feb 5, 2008 12:52 PM:

" If the state would require people to pass the written and driving test again at age 70, and then again every 5 years following that, we wouldn't have a problem. I know basically now everyone is kind of responsible for themselves, but what about those elderly orphans (those without any family). Who's keeping an eye on them? "

BabyT wrote on Feb 5, 2008 12:47 PM:

" I'm completely in favor of MANDATORY re-testing for your license, instead of the get it once and good for life approach. Mandatory written every 2 years, and mandatory driven test every 10 years. This would never pass because of the AARP influence, but it would be one of the best things we could do to improve EVERYONE's driving. "

Radio wrote on Feb 5, 2008 12:20 PM:

" I don't mean to offend the elderly. The 70 something man that went down the interstate the wrong way and killed 2 teenage girls and himself. Just this past year by Jamestown, a elderly man going east, but, in the west bound lanes of the interstate. All of us west bound drivers flashed our lights and moved over to the passing lane. This guy didn't seem to catch on, just kept going. I have seen in Bismarck, a elderly lady, her left turn signal on, turning left. But at the last second, must have decided she wanted to go straight and turned back into traffic going straight. 2 vehicles almost hit her, mine being one of them. Then, I am heading north on 9th St., stopped at the light on Ave C. I'm in the left lane and a elderly couple are in the right lane. When the light turned green, he floored his car and made a left turn in front of me. My Mom doesn't drive anymore,(thank goodness), But with her it got to a point that I would call her and ask her if she was going anywhere that day. If she would say yes, I would ask her where she was going. I then told her that if she was going to be driving, I just wanted to know where she was going to be, so I could avoid that part of town. Wasn't long after she decided to quit driving. We didn't take her car away, but about a year later she told us to sell her car. I understand being independent, but, don't put others at risk. "

kev wrote on Feb 5, 2008 12:17 PM:

" Found some interesting facts about elderly drivers.

People age 75 and older have more motor vehicle deaths per 100,000 people (25) than other groups except people younger than 25 (29).

Per mile driven, drivers 75 years and older have higher rates of fatal motor vehicle crashes than drivers in other age groups except teenagers.

Per licensed driver, fatal crash rates rise sharply at age 70 and older.

source: http://www.usroads.com/journals/rilj/0101/ri010102.htm "

SE Forty wrote on Feb 5, 2008 11:59 AM:

" I think when someone is Social Security age they should be checked every year to see if they can still drive and if they know what the lever is on the left side of the steering wheel. WAIT, maybe everyone should be asked what the lever is on the left side of the steering wheel. "

Youngest Son wrote on Feb 5, 2008 11:49 AM:

" My dad is 94, can't hear and admits he can't see so well either. But he still drives. No one in the family will ride with him. He was hitting curbs and missing stop signs when he was 85. Eveyone of his six kids and most of the in-laws have told him he should give it up. He refuses. He has had several fender benders that have been reported to the police. Once while out on the interstate, a highway patrol officer stopped along the side of the road issuing a ticket, chased him down to tell my dad he came within inches of hitting him. The family keeps hoping they won't renew his drivers license. Yet, he just got a new one. So, what happens when talking to the stubborn old fool doesn't work? "

Oldest Daughter wrote on Feb 5, 2008 9:45 AM:

" Thank you for addressing such a difficult topic. In this country we have such a huge stance on drunk driving but when it comes to elderly driving for some reason it's different but their decision making and motor skills are also hindered at times. With a population of baby boomers aging we have to start look at options that people can maintain their dignity and freedom without possibly hurting or killing others. I am happy that the author managed to provide a viable option to start the process because it is just a matter of time. "

Oldest Son wrote on Feb 5, 2008 9:21 AM:

" I brought this subject up to my mother (83 years young) just to see her reaction. I was chastised immediatly by her, and dropped the subject. Two days later my sister called me and gave me all kinds of grief for wanting to take moms freedom away from her. Now I'm the bad guy in the family, again. "

PO3 wrote on Feb 5, 2008 8:52 AM:

" When elderly people start to become confused you can take the car keys away from them but they still think they can drive and if the neighbor leaves his car in the driveway running they will go out and get in that car thinking its theirs and drive away saw that happen in my family. "

Indie Conservative wrote on Feb 5, 2008 8:26 AM:

" Finally, something out of the AARP that will benefit EVERYONE. Beats the living daylights out of their asinine stance on Social Security reform. I knew an 80-something year old man who drove 40 mph no matter where he was- neighborhoods or the Interstate. And there was no telling him anything. He refused to listen. "

weshar wrote on Feb 5, 2008 7:20 AM:

" We heard of this proposed meeting being planned because of elderly people were responsible for 15% of accidents. Our first question when we first heard of this proposal was what age group is responsible for the other 85% ?? Maybe they should be more concerned with and talking to them before they label "older" people as a liability and insurance problem. They may be to some extent, BUT, just who is the other 85% ??? Fifteen is still much smaller then 85. We are fully aware of the task of talking to older parents and have done so a couple of times. "

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